Candy - gone

I'm a nice mommy, or at least I play on TV. I like to think of myself in fond terms because it helps my self esteem. Tonight though, I was not on my best behavior.
Here's what I do every year and tell me you don't do this yourself: you buy some of the candy YOU like and you buy some of the candy your SPOUSE likes. You expect to have some left over at the end of the night so you can enjoy it at your leisure. The kid can go get his own from all 106 of your neighbors, right? Not so much.
Jackson and Paul went out and eventually returned with two half full pillowcases of stuff. Pretty good haul for a rainy night. I have a full salad bowl of tootsie pops and lifesaver lollies(that I like) at the door but it's been a slow night so I expect I'll have plenty left. Jackson takes over door duty and maybe it rings twice while we're watching TV. I go back down to the front door to see what it's like outside and find there's nothing left! Turns out Jackson doesn't understand the concept of "Mommy Candy" and gave handfuls of the stuff away to the last five kids who came to the door. *%$#&** I was not pleased. Tomorrow will find me pillaging his pillowcases to satisfy my sweet tooth.
You may be asking yourself "What of the candy that was purchased for the spouse?" Ah, yes. I bought him two bags of Maynards wine gums and a bag of Bubblegum pops. He opened the gum pops and gave a few to kids who came to the door after I went to my mother's to give her her birthday present of 10 lbs. of her favourite chocolate and put the rest of it away in a safe place. (sorry for sentence length)
He lost nothing, I lost everything.
And before anybody gets started, yes, I'm grateful to have a son and grateful to be pregnant but don't tell me that I have to be nice about it all the time.

On my Mummy's birthday

So I'm sitting here, playing online games while my mother and son toil away beside a hot pizza oven and............ it's her birthday. Oh, and I changed to HaloScan so maybe more people will leave comments 'cause that would make me feel good. Just sayin'

Jackson is going trick or treating as a Ninja tonight. He's been a Ninja for pretty much 10 out of the last 11 Halloweens, nothin much changes around here. I'm going to be giving out the candy tonight so I hope he's ok by himself. I think I trained him well but Danae has a point. I hate not going with him but I'm still keeping my feet up.

The Ring Story

Paul has never asked me to marry him.
I wish I could be more romantic, I wish he had asked me and I could look back fondly on that memory but it never happened. What did happen was my mother referring to him as her son when we were out in public and so we figured that it was inevitable. Later that nightI sat in his lap and asked him to marry me. He laughed and said yes because he didn't think I was serious but I was. Marriage is very important to him, me-not so much, but I wanted him to be happy. I took his yes seriously and went about the planning. I planned and planned and planned. I found the awful dress, never lost the weight and, in the blink of an eye, it was done.
Now I'm a Mrs. Mom, Stepmom, Pregnant infertile.

About the ring:
We found this jewewlry designer at the "famous" christmas craft fair in Toronto last November. We found a "sort of" style we could agree on and Paul placed an order. When the ring arrived a few weeks later it was disgusting and totally unacceptable. I had a phone discussion with the designer, trying to explain clean lines and tension settings and he sent a mock-up for me to look at. It looked a lot better and the real ring finally arrived the day before the wedding via Fedex.

I totally need more romance in my life.

Progesterone supplements

I'd rather be talking about my ring right now but I need help. I spent this evening at the hospital trying to get progesterone supplements in an attempt to stop the bleeding. It's been 14 days and I can't stand it any longer. My progesterone was 19.5 yesterday and I'm wondering if that's what's causing it. Any Internet M.D's who want to weigh in are more than welcome. Even you Dr. Dave.

Parade of rings

Go see everybody's ring. I'll post the story tomorrow.


Emily - http://scrambledeggs.blogs.com/scrambled_eggs/

JJ - http://www.jellybelly-jj.com/

Sherry - http://horkinramblings.typepad.com/horkin_ramblings/

Me - http://www.lalawawa.blogspot.com/

Jen P. - http://reichovary.blogspot.com/

Toni - http://tone26.blogspot.com/

Ollie - http://oliviadrab.com/blog/blog.html

Kath - http://nevereverlate.blogspot.com/

Karen - http://thenakedovary.typepad.com/

Jen - http://fertilitynow.blogspot.com/

I'm not good with my digital camera so I tweaked it little. It's a ruby with a band under it. 

Ungood news and a new term

I coined a new term today. More on that in a sec.
I went for blood tests at the fertility clinic where I've been poked
and prodded for the past year + and the doctor came back with good HCG levels but very low Progesterone. He's concerned about the Prog. level and wants to see an u/s very soon. I said to him that I was going to go home and look this up on the Internet because he can't really say what's going to happen due to this lack of Prog.. He said I should be careful not to believe everything I read on the INTERNET(big, scary home of misinformation) and I told him "it's ok, I won't overGoogle".

That's my new term, to OverGoogle. Try using it in a sentence, it's fun.

Sadness

There is so much blog sadness right now.
Cecily is mourning the loss of her two little ones and Beaver Girl has suffered a huge loss.
The sudden passing of Annie the cat has touched me too because she so resembled my last cat Ziggy, who went quickly as well.

I don't know what to think about loss. Why do those who want so much lose so much?
Do they invest more in life than others? How much will it hurt if I find there's no heartbeat next week?

Teeny tiny update

No change on the homefront. I would have thought it would have stopped by now seeing as the mucous plug should be in place. I have spoken to the midwife and booked another ultrasound for next Wednesday. There's nothing I can do in the meantime except wait.

I think I should go back to work because my mother has gone round the twist with the stress of running the pizza joint.

If we have a baby in there still it will be ten wks gest. by the time I get to the U/S. Whoohoo!!

YOU ARE INVITED...

To the First Annual Infertile Bloggirl ENGAGEMENT/ WEDDING RING FASHION SHOW!

This fashion show was inspired by an incredible post by our friend Emily at
(http://scrambledeggs.blogs.com/scrambled_eggs/)
called THE PROMISE.

In tribute to our husbands who don't care about our inability to "make babies" and love us unconditionally... There will be a Blogland engagement / wedding ring fashion show on our blogs! On Saturday October 30 post a picture of your ring... a beautiful symbol of the "UNBROKEN" promises that our husbands made to love us through anything... even infertility and miscarriage.

This fashion show is hosted by Jamie Elise (http://www.babywait.blogspot.com/) and Emily (http://scrambledeggs.blogs.com/scrambled_eggs/)

Jamie will post a list of participants along with her photo on Friday for your viewing pleasure!Please post you name and blog address this week in the comment portion of her FASHION SHOW post!

*** Just a suggestion... if you don't have a digital camera... just borrow a picture from a jewelry store site.... it is more about the tribute... less about the ring!***

Plant your flag, please

I installed a Guest Map the other day and I'd love for anyone who actually takes the time to read my posts to plant their flag on it. I realize much of my traffic is from Blog Explosion but I'd like to see flags from the folks I am trying to keep in touch with, my friends and family.

Dr. Pepper

Hello, my name is Lala and.....I...am...an.......addict.
You're thinking that overseas travel is a good time to break a caffeine addiction aren't you? Yeah, so did I. Haa haa haa ha ah haa ha, oh..must breathe. Silly woman. NO.
I didn't have Dr. Pepper until I'd been in Finland for three days, add that to the two travel days getting there and you've got five days with little or no caffeine. NOT GOOD. You see, I get headaches, bitchy, whiny, "feed me Seymour" headaches that need caffeine to get rid of them.
I tried C*ke, but the formulation is different in Europe and it tasted awful. I drank water and something called Battery Acid, provided by one of the tourney sponsors. It tasted of little carbonated rocket candies and just made you thirstier. Good stuff, eh?
So, on the third day, G-d created an internet cafe and stocked it with pop and chocolate bars. Hallelujah!!
Salvation = Dr. Pepper, only 1 euro 30, Thank G-D!!
When we got to London they were 65p.
Dr.Pepper and a scamwich = meal sent from heaven


http://www.koff.fi/en/products/battery_energy_drink.html

Sorry

I've been in bed for the past couple of days valiantly trying to stop this infernal bleeding.
Last night, after too much activity retrieving stepson from far away airport, I found the bleeding heavier and went to bed as quickly as I could after C.S.I.(unsatisfying episode).
Needless to say I didn't get much sleep as I lie there anticipating what I think must be the inevitable outcome of the amount of blood loss I have suffered, a miscarriage. I waited for pain, I waited for twinges, I waited to double over and crawl to the bathroom but none of that happened. I don't know what to think after six full days of bleeding.

I found this on the internet:
About one quarter of pregnant women have some amount of spotting or bleeding in early pregnancy, and about half of these women miscarry. But if you have an ultrasound that shows a heart beat between 7 and 11 weeks, your chances of continuing the pregnancy are greater than 90 percent.

Them's some good odds!

Correction

1st visit w/midwife - 5:15 p.m. today
The bleeding hasn't stopped, it's gotten heavier.
Possible reasons: constant violent sneezing, pressure of ultrasoundwand against cervix at yesterday's ultrasound exam.
I'm worried but I don't know how worried to be. The Midwife said that if I bleed for another weekor if it gets a lot heavier, I should call her.
I've been banned from working by my business partner/mother until the bleeding stops.
What do I do? Right now my husband is downstairs plotting with my mother................
I wish I could stop sneezing.

Oblivious Boy, in a tux 

New moniker for the pre-teen

Oblivious Boy
The irony is it's self explanatory.

Tension

...... in the household lately due to possible complications with the pregnancy.
I put myself on bed rest as much as possible because I've been experiencing some bleeding
and I was worried that it was leading up to a miscarriage. Today I went for an ultrasound and saw that
the baby is alive and well.Yes, there really IS a baby!!
I saw the head and the arm buds and the heartbeat. I saw the HEART beat!!

1st. appt. w/midwife - Nov.1
Due date - early June

Scamwiches

Scamwiches: my saving grace during the time we spent in Turku. Our hotel, the Ramada, put on a terrific spread every morning from 7 a.m. until 11 a.m. and I am a BIG eater so I was very happy about everything I could eat. There were eggs, hot cereal, sausages, fruit, little Swedish pancakes, brie and last but NOT least, sandwich fixings. Oh, thank G-D for those sandwich fixings.

Every day I had to get myself to tourney central, a 20 minute walk, usually in time to bus out to some out of the way field in time for a 9 a.m. game. Every day I had my trusty scamwich with me for lunch. Two pieces of the most wonderful wheat bread, some ham or turkey, a nice light cheese, cucumber slices and the coupe de grace, Finnish mustard. Did I mention there was never any food available at any of these fields? Scamwich - The best sandwich I ever had in my life.

more about moi

So, how are you? I'm fine. A little tired, mostly because of the pregnancy.
No pregnancy symptoms really except for the fatigue.
I haven't had to buy any maternity clothes yet because I haven't gotten any bigger . Today at work everything smelled really bad, I think it's because of my oversensitivity.

If you haven't guessed already, I'm pregnant, due in June. There, I've filled in the blanks. Good guess Lioness.

only good thing....

about SpongeBob Square Pants is that Squidward comes out with lines like
" Shut your half-wit pie hole!" And, somehow, this morning I find that very, very funny.

Need a shot of Vodka? This photo is a cautionary tale. Do not get your dog shaved and tie a bandana around his neck. He will hate you forever. 

random cow dootie

Maybe you haven't noticed, or perhaps you thought "pizza, pasta, pannini" was the mating call of the terminally obese, but I own a little restaurant that serves pizza.
Today I served a piece of cheese pizza and, in the spirit of Moron Mouth,
had the following conversation:

Customer: Where are the sauce packets?
Me: Sorry?
Cus: The little red sauce packets?
Me: I'm sorry, I don't know what you mean.
Cus:Tomato sauce in pouches?
Me:????
Cus: Ketchup! Do you have Ketchup?
Me: No, I don't have ketchup. Try NY Fries.

Why the ^%$#@ would I have ketchup? I sell PIZZA. ARGH!

Food

I have to admit that one of the highlights of the trip to Finland was the food. I was apprehensive about the food and how much of it I would like, having once lived with a Finn here in Canada, but I had some really positive experiences. The daily spread at our hotel was more than satisfactory. The catered dinner at Tournament Central was another matter.

Good things
- scamwiches
- finding Dr. Pepper for sale

Not so good things
-catered dinner - lingo berry Jam

About lingo berry jam: It resembles baby food. While in some forms this might be enjoyable, this one was not. To eat something of this texture I think you need the proper medium. Perhaps a cake, cookie or pie crust to carry it to the mouth but no, not even whipped or heavy cream was available to dilute the sweet, sticky goo. The first night it was provided I filled a bowl with it only to find that I couldn't stomach more than a tablespoonful. The other volunteers laughed at my bowl, especially the native Finns, and I was embarrassed to have to throw that much food away.

Later: scamwiches and Dr. Pepper

Tournament Central in Turku, Finland 

Went to Finland...writing about it

Preface:
My husband and I went to Turku, Finland in August for the World Ultimate and Guts Championships. www.wugc2004.org/
My husband won a Silver Medal for Canada and I acted as a Game Official and Reporter. I kept an ongoing blog during the competition which is still available at http://www.flukemedia.com/teamCanada/updates/
Check out the Daily Scoober http://www.wugc2004.org/scoober/en_GB/scoober_day_six/
for some of my articles. Good luck guessing which ones are mine.


Once in a while I will reflect and give you anecdotes of different parts of the trip..

Thankful to be Canadian

On this Thanksgiving 2004 I'm thankful to be Canadian. I'm thankful that we aren't a "presence" in Iraq even though anyone with a conscience knows that we are all responsible for our own level of activism.

Get a new perspective:

http://www.juancole.com/2004_09_01_juancole_archive.html#109582366638394688



My thoughts are with the family of Lieutenant Saunders in Halifax. Thanksgiving will never be the same for them.

John Lennon's Birthday

He would have been 64 today. Where were you when you heard he'd been shot? I was 10, in the back of my stepfather's yellow Civic, driving down McCarthy Rd. just past the Quarry Co-op. That car would be an antique now.

Reader Question

Yay! A reader question has come my way via email.
Christine asks: Why is the dog named Vodka?
Good question Christine and thanks for asking.
He's named Vodka because the woman who gave him to me named all her animals after her favourite drinks. Rum and Coke were her cats and she had another dog named Sangria. I thought about changing his name and all I could come up with was Mashed Potato Dodge Dakota Vodka. So I shortened it to Vodka. We call him Voddy in public lest he get embarrassed.
Thanks again!

The United Church in Rupert, QC.
In honour of Christine who is getting baptised soon.
Good luck.

Random Notes

Welcome to the OCD.
My kid can't keep his fingers out of his mouth or off his feet or out of his nose.
He's a twitch-o-matic. It's hard to watch him sit on the sofa because, while I'm trying to relax, he's a ball of jangling touchiness. If it's not a finger in his mouth it's the remote or a toy. How old is this kid???

Dh's ex
Heard tonight she recently had a miscarriage. I feel awful for her because I know how much she wants more kids and how long she's had to wait. I hope she rebounds well. I'd like to send her my condolences but I'm not sure it's appropriate.

Another clue:
The Princess can feel a pea in her bedding, she's VERY sensitive.

C'mon people, GUESS!!!

Faking it

I feel like I've been faking infertility these past few years. I never had any miscarriages or IVF treatments. I saw a fertility specialist a few times, had a few weird tests that I'd like not to have to repeat. They found what they found, took it out and I kept on going. What they found wasn't even related to fertility so it doesn't count. Here I am, after two years of "Secondary Infertility" with no obvious cause, wondering if I had any right to think of myself as such in the first place.
I've followed the pain and torture of some of the Infertility Blogs and I've suffered none of it myself. Even Julie endured infertility treatments in both Canada and the U.S. so I was pretty close to someone putting their body and sanity on the line and I'm not sure I understood the pain at all. Families who have to come to terms with creating or enlarging their families through adoption are suffering and I can't sympathise because adoption will never be an option for my family. I just wonder what I'm doing checking out places like Chez Miscarriage every day when I'm realize that we don't have infertility in common and I don't have anything to offer in the way of support like other women going through the same things.

This is Charlie, I took this the summer before last but I just feel like a dog photo today. 

Sneezing

Lots and lots of sneezing. That's another clue in the guessing game in which none of you have participated. Oh well, I'll reveal the answer sooner or later.

I took the dogs to the pit tonight, I haven't walked that far since I hurt my back three weeks ago.
Oh, yeah.
I hurt my back.
Running, of all things.
Running while playing ultimate at Riverside.
Guess that'll be my first and last fall league game. I've been to see the Chiropractor over 25 times in the past few weeks. There's improvement but I don't know, given the current circumstances if I'll be all better and back on the field until probably NEXT fall.


Right now Extreme Makeover: Home Edition is making me cry.
Who needs a Baby Story when you've got Ty Pennington?

Cawfee

How is it that I can find a taste so offensive, so violently disgusting, that I will spit it across a room faster than you can blink? Yet when an ersatz milkshake(for which I paid $4) is brought to me, after saying specifically "NO COFFEE", I will drink all of it. Even if it kills me. Because I am just SO frugal and SO cheap.

pizza, pasta, panini

I used to think I wanted to be my own boss; I used to think that being on contract sucked. Now I know better. The grass is not greener on the other side, it's all sharp, pointy, green stuff made to LOOK like grass. Problem is, as soon as you jump said fence you land on it and cut yourself to pieces. I could not have IMAGINED how hard running this business would be and the funny thing was I actually thought I'd be good at it. Nowadays, I'd like to kill the "two teas please" lady and shove burning pizza down the gullet of every teenager who comes along.
Jaysus toist, "No, I DON'T have any Hawaiian today" and I'm really, really, really sorry about that.
One guy actually came to the counter today and asked for three things I no longer serve, all in a row. I had to fight very hard to contain the laughter.
I remember getting very angry when Wendy's stopped serving their garlic breadsticks. Between Jack and my mom and I we could go through six or seven of those an order. Why, in hell, would they discontinue them, I used to wonder. Now I'm on the other side I understand a wee bit but I'm still pissed off. I.E. I don't serve pasta salad anymore, haven't for a while because it doesn't sell and goes bad really fast. Another customer came to the counter and ordered it and went all nutso on our asses when we told her we didn't make it anymore. Don't know where she's been all year but it ain't at my store.

Fun stuff

So, I've had many thoughts swirling lately and the store was crazyily busy this weekend. No time to sit down and put any of into words.
Here are some clues though:

1. very tired
2. busy next June
3. going to be sorting through the Rubbermaid bins in the basement

Are you the hot 89.9 fugitive? Stupid, stupid, stupid. Give the money away already and get over it

This is Vodka. A few years ago I felt like I wanted another child so, single mother that I was, I got him instead. I still want more kids but I'll settle for just the one wolf. 

Bummer

I've witnessed the ups and downs of multiples as my best friend Julie gave birth to four babies in November of 2000 and then a single, 13 months later. I was there when some of the babes came home from the hospital the January after they were born and I've tried to be there whenever I can but It hasn't been enough.
I'm not sure of the timeline of previous infestations but today, Julie told me that she's discovered the third episode of headlice on one of her daughters. I'm sure you can imagine the incredible predicament she's in and I can't help her.
I don't know how to help her emotionally, and I can't help her physically unless I go down there and kill those little bugs myself.

Julie: I wish I knew what to do for you. I love you.

Oh yeah. The hair. The definition isn't very good but those are curls. And dimples. 

Holodeck please

If I could ask for anything in life it wouldn't be money or even to change events as I've known them. I would ask for a Holodeck from the Starship Enterprise. No other concept from movies, television or literature has held my attention or desire quite the way the Holodeck has. Imagine the notion that there exists a place where you can instantly recreate events straight out of your own imagination and memory. What I wouldn't give to go back and relive the moments of happiness and peace I have experienced. Nothing else in my day to day life makes me relax to the same degree as those memories.
Paddling quietly in my canoe at sunset with my favourite music playing softly from my antiquated tape recorder. Sitting on an island in the midday sun on the lake where I grew up. Reliving the overwhelming emotion upon giving birth. And that one incredible weekend in Vermont with the love of my life. Boy, what I wouldn't give to have a Holodeck.

Advice

Do tell.
Should I or should I not inform my mother about the existence of this blog?
Please leave your thoughts in the comments area.

At my house this a.m.

Me: Jackson - when are your school photos? I need to fix your hair.
J: ummm, yesterday

Figures.
A little background - since our wedding in March, Jack has been trying to beat his stepbrother in a fro-growing contest. Both have curly hair, Jack has a little looser curl than Zac's but Zac got a headstart. Jack's hair is at the point where it's sticking straight up off the top of his head instead of falling over and Zac's is at the point where he wakes up in the morning with triangle hair. I 'll give it until the holidays.........