Things on my mind

• so many people gone from the face of the earth
• the one's who were one or two degrees of separation from me
• 9/11
• the one's I knew

I had two days off

I fell like dancing but I'm sick.
Two days off, not in a row mind you, but still.
Today we had $600 worth of furnace maintenance by the Emergency Repairman and constant sneezing by me.

Fun, eh?

So, Christmas eve - Opposing forces invaded our camp and attacked. The opening salvo was fired in the mid afternoon with no defensible position obtained until later in the evening. Under cover of the night there was much gunfire back and forth. It wasn't pretty but the traditional "Christmas Ceasefire" to decorate the tree brought both sides together and peace continued through the night. Gunfire has not resumed.

To the Lioness: Welcome to Canada, have you been introduced to Tim Horton's yet?

Captain: There's been a breach

Yes, it's 7:48 on x-mas morning and I'm on the laptop in the living room.
Somebody maliciously brought this website to the attention of my husband.
Thank you for that person who's email address and ISP I now possess.
What a wonderful Christmas present you gave us!
And thanks for being an understanding reader!
You must have gone through a few of these things yourself to be so kind to me.
Well, see you around.
We'll have to get together for drinks real soon so you and I can commiserate on our common problems.
Thanks again!!! You have made the holidays interesting and fun!

I'm not good at this

I guess part of the problem in our marriage stems from the fact that we have never really been a WE. I have always been I. This was illustrated last night when I ran some last minute errands and came home with just the thing I'D been thinking about for Zachary, HIS son. We don't shop together, we don't do much together at all.
Now I must go off to work. The store is open from 8 a.m. until 10 tonight. Pray for me.

Are you there G-D?

Somebody got to the shelter 10 minutes before me and took home the little lady that was supposed to be mine. I was so looking forward to Christmas with her, taking her to the pit and giving her treats. I feel like I've been robbed and my heart is aching.
What is wrong with me?
Do I ask too much?
I just wanted to make a bigger family but g-d doesn't see fit to let me do that. Maybe if I went on welfare and moved into a trailer.........how mean is that?

What?? Have I depressed the Internet? No one wants to play with me?

I may get a second poopy doo(puppy dog) tomorrow. I'll let you know.

Pro's and Con's

Cecily's post on loving Charlie has me in the mood to re-examine my current relationship.
I call my marriage my current relationship because I'm not sure about the happily ever after bit.
I've put together a set of lists that may help me illustrate my point:

Things I have gained since getting married:
a pregnancy
weight(enough to build a small toddler)
a stepson
a trip to Finland to watch Canadian Ultimate players dominate at Worlds

Things I have lost:
a pregnancy
self esteem
self respect
sleep(way too much)
my sense of self
touch with my son

The scale does not tip favourably as you can see.

The last time I lost my sense of self was when my son was born and I was so focused on baby that popular culture passed me right by. To this day I have no appreciation for Nirvana.


When I lie in bed at night and I feel like crying because I've made this enormous mistake I tend to comfort myself with thoughts of my childhood home and the story of the love of my life.
I think when I can get back to blogging on Monday I will tell those stories.

Where did the week go?

Jackson has started using swear words. I guess years of listening to me has finally paid off. He won't do as I say so he's doing as I do. I wouldn't mind so much if he'd use them properly. He asked my mother today if, after I found out that he hadn't completed some homework and I had to sign a sheet for the teacher, I was going to be mad as shit. Yep, mad as shit, that's me. Tomorrow I'll be deep in fuck.

Friends don't let friends use photoshop. 

Exciting news...

in my small world. Julie, the mother of 5, is coming for New Years. What a logistical nightmare for her!
But I get to see the quads!!! Yay!
This is going to be the highpoint of my holidays. That and the fact that they will end. That is a very high point.
There is no Hannukah Bush or any gifts here at my house, no coloured lights adorn my door. We are boycotting the "Holidays" as I like to call them. Our family is not complete and the hurt is still there. I'll get over myself soon enough but in the meantime Lalalalalalaa

Please check out Waiter Rant on the Blogroll, he's got some funny stories, of which "Diet Coke Dick" is one.

The photo Mikko is talking about. Yvonne and I at Tourney Central. 

I feel I must explain...

I'm sorry I swore.
I'm sorry I confused both of my loyal readers.
I was commenting to myself on the driver who could not, would not, did not hit the 100kmh speed limit while travelling on a six lane highway the other day. That's all. It seemed funny at the time :(

Today's Bumper sticker

It's called the fucking SPEED LIMIT,
just DO it!!!

Bridget Jones: Reason Schmeason

Is there a movie I could see that does not involve an HPT? Could there be a character who was more of a bad example for the rest of us? Ditzy, pudgy, twitty? So long between movies that I forgot how bad the first one was and paid money to see the second. Had more fun standing outside the theatre people watching with Rebecca. Good times, now back to work.

Buy new pants?

Does anybody know what's up with Cee-Jae at Buy new pants? She hasn't posted for a while.

When in Rome...

Some good suggestions in the comments on the last post.

I'd also take you to Mr. B's, fresh pasta made inhouse

Uneasy Rider: When I'm in your neck of the woods I like to go to Bugaboo's in Natick because it has a "Canadian" theme. This is hilarious to me because if WE can't define our culture then how the hell can some restaurant chain? Maybe we had it backwards all this time and we should have been looking to Mass Marketing gurus to tell us what IS Canadian.
Wait!
We DID and we got the infamous "I am Canadian" beer commercial. That was a classic, actually.

BTW - on the menu in this place they have everything from Cajun blackened steak to garlic mashed potato(e)s. They DO NOT sell Beavertails.
I'm thinking of coming down after x-mas.

Dinner last night

Last night Tonight my blood cells were singing like opera singers on crack.They wanted steak so we went to the Outback tonight and we won't be back back back back.The prices have gone up and now I've found out that I don't know how to order a steak so I'm fed up with them.
So, I have to agree with my husband that the best steak in Ottawa is at Von's on Bank St. If you came to visit me I would take you there. I might also take you further down Bank St. to the Works for really great burgers.

If I came to your house where would you take me?

Infertility Update: nothing, sorry.


Great line from today's Sponge Bob episode- "Hey Pal, You just blow in from stupid town?"

Couldn't post last night 'cause Blogger was tempermental

I dream

Sometimes I have vivid dreams in the extra hour of sleep between when my husband leaves and my son wakes me up to tell me he's going to school. I find that strange that I could dream when I've only been asleep for a few minutes.
This morning's dream was about "them" coming for "us". I don't know who they were except that the one who managed to "capture" me was the actor who plays Leo McGarry on the West Wing. They weren't the Nazi's but we were definitely the Jews. In the last part of the dream I was working in a walled courtyard, which was in downtown Ottawa just off Lisgar St., and I opened the wooden door to take delivery of some food and saw my 12 yr old son standing there in a grey prison uniform with a shackle on his foot. I started to howl and ran back to the the other side of the yard because I couldn't say or do anything to stop it. A little later McGarry came in and sat down at a table and started to ask questions about the owner. I overheard him refer to the owner by some multi-syllabic name and I knew that he was Jewish too. At some point I resigned myself to fate and walked over to him. I asked him why he was rounding up the Jews and what I had ever done to him personally. He said I had done nothing personal and as he stood up he was smiling that I had given myself up. That's when I woke up.

Connecting the Generations By Gina Klonoff

A cold drizzle was creating puddles around my feet as I made my way home from the Seattle Public Library. It was an afternoon in December 1940, soon after my arrival in the United States. Under my coat I was protecting a copy of Anne of Green Gables, which I had just checked out for the third time. Despite my limited English, I was determined to discover how Anne met the challenge of adapting to an unfamiliar environment, mirroring my own new life in America.
The dim, gloomy street reflected my mood as the faint lights from Christmas trees, already visible behind the windows, reminded me that tonight was the first night of Hanukkah. I stopped and leaned against a wet lamppost recalling images of past Hanukkah nights and of my now fragmented family.
I was back in our Vienna apartment. My parents, Grandfather Mendel with his dignified beard, Grandmother Tova in her blue silk dress and pearl necklace, and Cousin Bertha, her raven hair pulled into a bun, were all gathered around our silver Hanukkah menorah. My great-grandfather, a silversmith in Poland, had crafted it for the marriage of his eldest daughter. In every generation since, it had brightened my family's Hanukkah celebrations. It symbolized not only the victory of the Maccabees, but also the invincible spirit of Judaism and the continuity of our family.
A hundred years later and six thousand miles away, I still delighted in the thought of its rich silver patina, with lovely rosebuds and exquisite leaves and stems engraved on its nine branches.
A dump truck pulled up and splashed me from the feet up, shattering my reverie. "Where did everything go?" I mumbled to myself.
But I knew where everything had gone. Grandfather had been arrested on Kristallnacht and taken to Dachau, where he was killed. Grandmother died of a heart attack soon after the Nazis had looted their apartment and destroyed their stationery store. Bertha, arrested by the British trying to escape to Palestine on an illegal boat, was interned in a detention camp. But the Hanukkah menorah? Since it was forbidden to take any valuable artifacts out of the country, its fate was a mystery.
It was dark by the time I arrived home. My father was already back from the synagogue, and my mother was peeling potatoes. She laid aside one large potato and began to grind the others for latkes. When I asked her what the extra potato was for, she answered, "That will be our Hanukkah menorah."
I shook my head in sorrow. With so many people and things vanished from my life, was our precious heirloom to be replaced by a potato? Was that to be another new custom in our new country? Mother hollowed out two shallow grooves on opposite ends of the potato and pressed a small candle into one. Father was about to light the second candle when there was a knock on the front door. When he opened it, a mailman thrust a package into Father's hand. "Special delivery," he said. "Sign here."
The package was covered with foreign stamps, which turned out to be from Palestine. There was no return name or address anywhere on the box. We were dumbfounded. Who could have sent us a package from the Holy Land? With unsteady hands, we tore away the paper. The first thing we saw was a sealed envelope addressed to my parents. Father opened it and read the letter aloud in German.
"Dear Cantor and Mrs. Schiffman, After the Nazis looted Mrs. Schiffman's mother's apartment, she died from a heart attack. The concierge went into her apartment and found a package hidden in the closet. The concierge was a Christian woman who knew the family. She took the package to Bertha just before she left for Palestine. On the boat to Haifa, Bertha told me the story. She said if the British catch one of us, the other must mail the package to the address inside. I was lucky to escape after we landed, helped by the Hagganah. I had plenty of trouble in the beginning and I am sorry to say, I forgot about the package. Yesterday, I found it. Please excuse me for this long wait. Respectfully, Bertha's Chavarah"
The three of us pried open the box. Inside, wrapped in torn tissue paper, lay a black and white horsehair cushion. As Mother lifted it out of the box, we all wondered, What was so important about this cushion that Bertha had risked so much to ensure its safety? Father examined it from all angles, even sniffed it, and pressed his hands into the bristly cloth. He stopped suddenly. "Quick, Marta. Get me some scissors." Mother found her sewing basket and handed him her small scissors. Father carefully began to snip open the stitches along one side of the cushion. With a mass of straw littering the floor, he reached in and pulled out the still shining, so familiar, silver Hanukkah menorah!
I could barely contain myself. Our beautiful menorah had returned just in time for the first night of Hanukkah in our new home. For a moment, we were stunned, and then we all started talking at once. How did it get out of Austria? Who would have risked smuggling it out of the country? We assumed Bertha had hidden it in the cushion, taken it on the train across the border and onto the boat. Then she made sure that, in the event she could not carry out her intentions, someone else would. Father put the menorah on the table and transferred the candle from the potato into its rightful place. He lit the shammas, which he held up high, and recited the b'rakhah over the Hanukkah candles. When he began to sing Sheheheyanu in honor of the first night, mother and I joined in with fervor.
For me, the blessing that night applied to more than just the beginning of Hanukkah. It also acknowledged the miracle that had reconnected me with my roots. I felt a surge of hope and optimism. For the first time in a long time, things did not look quite so bleak; something precious had come back to me. The fact that it had arrived when it did was a special omen.
Today, the silver Hanukkah menorah stands on the sideboard in our dining room. My older son, David, knows that one day it will stand in his home, and later, in that of his daughter, Anna, and then in that of one of her children, and down the generations. Its flickering candles will symbolize the continuity of our family, as well as the inextinguishable flame of Judaism.

A present arrived from Beaver Girl. It says "around the world" and maybe it could remind her of the people all around the world who followed her story and are rooting for her.

 

a little Tylenol

Nothing like a little prophelactic Tylenol with codeine to head off the aftereffects of wine. I'm all good now except for the permanent fatigue, my closest friend.

Weather here - bad(freezing sleet)
Dinner here - expensive($11.35 per person at the Chinese Buffet, I ate 1 plate)
Sleeping here - sounds berry berry good to me
Getting up again tomorrow and going to work - a big drag

but I liked "g'might". G'might all

Be forewarned

If I go around the blogosphere leaving silly comments or ones with bed spelling it's because I've had 3/4 of a bottle of whine and I'm not tyrping spo good, sorry Scully. G'might

I have good people working with me

Many moons ago I had three band members and one of their roadies working in my shop part time. Once in a while I'd buy them liquor as a bonus when they stayed to helped me after their shifts were over.
They were of age and I was doing it as a "once in a blue moon" reward that they actually appreciated. Tonight one of the ones who's still with me returned the favour and bought me a bottle.
Anyway, the point of this little story is that I am CHUGGING it right now.
I wanted to write a lengthy post about who I am and where I am but I just worked 12 hours on my feet and I have to get up soon and do some more of it so I'll save that for tomorrow or later this week.
Suffice it to say that in the next couple of days I'm gonna get rip roaring drunk.

I vant to beee alone

Can I get a restraining order against my family?
They don't seem to understand that I just need to be alone right now. Jackson insisted on coming with Paul and I to run a five minute errand last night because he didn't want to be home by himself, he also insisted I walk him over to the book fair at his school. It's across the street.
My husband complains because I sit in the living room every night and use the laptop while he watches tv. I ask you what else is there to do when the man gets to watch what he wants all the fricking time and the only thing you get to watch is CSI as long as it doesn't conflict with wrestling or the recap thereof? At least I'm in the same room.

Can you get Post traumatic stress disorder from a miscarriage?
I've been depressed these past few days because having my period is just like miscarrying and I do not like it.
I just want to be pregnant and tired instead of just being tired. Today a baby picture of Fantasia Barrino made me cry because I thought it was what my baby would have looked like(she'was a pale baby).
I'm losing it and I can't afford to because, for once, the restaurant is busy and we could ease our financial troubles a bit if we're careful.

Boulder looks fuzzy, like a peach, but pretty. 

Boulder sends some advice, circa 1970 

Lioness also sends the Gabriel feeding pads along, finally. 

And the red one too 

More photos

I have more to post but the software doesn't like me anymore. Maybe it'll like me again tomorrow. I will perservere.

Dear Tertia

Surprise!!
Since some of us couldn't attend your baby showers in S.A. we decided to throw one of our own.Welcome.
Have a seat in the glider and let me get you some punch.
In the posts below you will find glimpses of friends and gifts that are either actually on their way to you, gags or the best, most precious gifts or advice they themselves ever received.
Enjoy this online baby shower just for you.
Julie and GetupGrrl both send their regrets.

With much love and admiration,Lauren
p.s. In the greatest of ironies I have not been able to find my digital camera and am unable to take my own gift picture. I offer you this advice instead: get help, lots of it. Get house help, get baby help and then get out. I will post a photo as soon as I can find that darn camera.Also, many people expressed interest in this shower but, for one reason or another, didn't get a photo in by tonight. If I get them in I will post them too.

All from the Lioness

Tertia dahling, hope you enjoy these befuck and exceedingly lekker gifts!
For you (and Marko)
1 - Moet & Chandon bottle - rather obvious. Le'haim dahling!
2 - A pack of Portuguese ciggies for when you can finally smoke again
3 - A Rubber Doll for Marko bcs frankly, someone needs to address thepoor bloke's predicament before his balls burst
4 - A stay at Lake Pleasant Health Spa near Knysna so you can rest
5 - These frozen cherry tree simply because it's so pretty
6 and 7 - Two sets of Gabriel Feeding Pads to make feeding theravenous ones and easier task, in Red and Navy (They are FABULOUS, eksê!)
ED. note - will post these tomorrow as Hello! is giving me trouble now

And now for Kate and Adam:
8, 9 and 10 - Bath Books: so they can become both educated and cleanat the same time, very attractive
11, 12 - Cloth Books: so they can have fun and again, become educated(can't stress this enough), without you having to vacuum or give thema gastric lavage; and they're of animals so they are given an earlyintroduction to Aunt Johnny's world
13 - The entire Paddington book collection bcs I'm crazy abt the bear!

And finally, 14 - The Power of One bcs it's a bloody marvellous bookand you should have read it already, being from ZA and all - so if you have, re-read ad lib; if you haven't *cluck* shame on you!
Loads of love babe!
Johnny (aka Lioness)

I forgot one of the bath books from the Lioness. 

This most gorgeous gift is from the most wonderful Tess. Lucky You!! 

Dear Tertia,

Since you probably have gotten plenty of advice and stuff for getting through the first 3-4 months, I wanted to send something along that will come in handy when Adam and Kate are sitting up and rolling around.

The bumbo sitters -- a must-have if you plan on getting ANYTHING done once they are more active. I have been using these seats since my twins were 4 months old. They sit in them to eat, play with toys and even each others feet. They are GREAT!

Prayers and best wishes to you, MarKo, Adam and Kate. Twins are GREAT, you are more than doubly blessed.

Hugs,
Kristin in VA
w/ Sascha and Mia who are almost 7 months
www.kristinm.blogs.com 

Soper's peepers, bee-yoo-tee-ful blue green 

Here is my "gift," which is not just funny but apparently really works.
From Soper, Uterine Wars 

In the spirit of the festivities! 

The Lioness herself 

Recommended by the Lioness 

cloth book 

Cloth book 

bath book 

another bath book 

This frozen cherry tree simply because it's so pretty