October

chicks

september

now with more East Coast flavour

I now live minutes from the bay of Fundy and the Saint John river. What a different attitude people have down here. It's nice, you should visit.

July is hot

yes, I'm still here. I use this blog for one thing or another and sometimes miss a month here and there but I keep it up because of the history and the archives. The baby is well. Everybody is looking forward to our big move next month....anybody want to buy a Toyota Tacoma?

for my husband

Shit, I missed April

I've been so baby not sleeping and blowing milk out of my boobs that I forgot to post in April. Now my "at least post once a month" mantra is blown to bits.

And so it was...

We had a baby and she's perfect.

THIS is the month

I've been waiting for march since June and now it's finally here. I hope it warms up soon, I hope I have a baby soon. I hope for a lot of things. Take care, I'll report back after lil'C arrives safe and sound.

February blah

In the home stretch so to speak. Absolutely exhausted. Can't wait to have a live baby in my arms, somehow I think I'll get more sleep that way. ha ha ha I kill me.

Happy New Year!

Here's to a joy filled and peaceful 2006.

Lala
please come visit my other home;
http://lalaland.typepad.com

Merry Elexmas!!

I'm a huge fan of Rick Mercer's political satire. The upcoming post-christmas election here in Canada has given him much grist for his mill. So, in lieu of Happy Hannukah or Happy Festivus I wish you a Merry Elexmas!
Vote once, vote well.

Btw - Typepad is down this a.m. until who knows when so Typepad blogs are not showing current content.

November

Still pregnant, still kicking, mother to a 13 year old. How did that happen?

October

Fall is here, the heat is on
Nights fall faster
soon all the leaves be gone

want time to get me through
the baby kicks,
girl or little boy blue?





gak

September

Still pregnant, still blogging, still in shock over the devastation in the south. I don't know how to process everything I see. God bless the survivors and the people helping them.

Coming up on a year

I've been blogging for over a year now. Just didn't start here until last September. It's been interesting. I'm thinking of shifting my archives over to my Typepad site. That's all, just wanted to mark August on the calendar.

Another one for July

I put a ticker up. A fish out of water. Just because I didn't want to miss out on having a ticker at least once in my life. Also, I can't count or keep track of anything so this will help me follow along in my own pregnancy. Too bad they don't make a ticker with velcro or glue to represent just how much I need this pregnancy to stick.

one for July

four days until birthday, four minutes till I fall face first on the keypad.

Crying

yes, today it all got to me and I cried.
I will give you the bullets:

• I don't have a job
• I don't have any money
• my husband went away to an event without me
• I haven't missed that event in four years, it means a lot to me.
• my mother is always angry with me
• I feel enormous guilt
• My kid doesn't seem to want to be around me
• Our house deal fell through, we lost the house
• I have a golf ball growing in me and it hurts
• It's hot here

I feel better now, thanks

Cibfuddles meloog

Whatever...there seems to be something strange going on with The Ecosystem because my ranking for this site has jumped up two levels and I don't know who all these new links are from. If you have nothing to do, search Lala Land in the rankings over at TTLB and look at some of the weird links. How did they find me, who are they? All valid questions.
If you're done with that and you've read all the archives for this site then please, feel free to come to my new home and follow along there.

#50 thru 71

50. My first truck was a 76 baby blue Ford, 3 on tree, no power steering
51. I’ve had trucks for the past 7 years
52. I now drive a Toyota Tacoma, extended cab
53. I have a truck so my dog can ride in the back
54. Vodka is the first dog that I owned by myself
55. I wanted another child so I got a dog
56. Being a single mom is all I’ve ever known
57. I liked it
58. My mom was a single mom
59. We’re very close unless we’re fighting
60. We’re fighting right now
61. I feel like this is that Van Halen song "Right now"
62. Right now I’m not listening to Van Halen
63. I’m listening to Michael Bublé
64. I still like Van Halen though
65. I like 80's music too
66. I missed out on grunge
67. Jackson and I both like Eminem
68. Watching him develop musical interests is fun
69. Watching him not have any friends is not
70. I thought that age 10 through 15 was hell
71. He seems to be oblivious

April already??

Just realized I hadn't posted anything since March. How uncool.


The only thing I have to say is that I miss my grandmother's cooking. Loblaw's lemon meringue pie gets me by in a pinch but it just isn't the same.
I don't miss her fingers around my throat or her yelling orders but I do miss her cooking.
I think I'd like to leave a different impression after I'm gone.

Eff the eff off

Yes, It's fedupgrrl again.
Gawd, I'm awful.
Today's hate is all about my least fave co-worker. Someone with whom I have no communication. Someone who gives me the evil eye in front of customers and makes me go into the walk-in and scream my head off in frustration.
I want to quit, I want to run away and never come back.
Get on a bus and get off in Wawa and walk in to a diner and get a job serving coffee and scrambled eggs in an orange uniform with a polyester tiara in my hair.
THAT would be ten times better than working with my mother.
Thank you, you've been kind. If you don't hear from me, check the road stops along the Trans Canada for a trucker hag named Annie. That's where I'll be.

Where I can speak my mind

This blog, for all intents and purposes, has become a feeder to my typepad site and so no one really reads it anymore. Or so I assume. Correct me if I'm wrong.
So I think I'm actually going to post all the negative, hurtful shit that's on my mind here so anyone involved in said shit doesn't read it. Maybe I'm being naive.
Tonight I'd like to rant about the fact a certain someone at my store did not place an order with our drink supplier last week and consequently, we are out of a shitload of stuff smack in the middle of March Break. I'm not sure if any of you know about food cost but the goal is to keep it around 28-30%. If I have to go out and buy Pepsi products and the wholesaler they will cost me much more than they would from Pepsi, sending my food cost skyrocketing. This pisses me off.
Coupled with a crappy customer, today's mood is in the shitter.
Here's a tip. If a store offers you a loyalty card and you are one stamp away from getting it filled, redeem it in the store where you got the most stamps. Don't get your last stamp and then hand it to your mother who is next in line, who already picked the most expensive thing on the menu, for her to use when all nine of the previous stamps came from the fucking North Bay store. Be nice and use it where you spent the money and don't pull that crafty shit on me.
Just don't.

end rant

March roared in

with an enormous amount of snow. Just hoping it doesn't stick around.
As mentioned below the new site is Lala Land over at Typepad. Lemme know what you think.

FYI

Still here, hanging around haunting the place. Migrating links and stuff.
Boy, setting up a new page is a lot of work!

Ok then

The new site is here

There are some kinks like the colour of the "comments" button but it shows up when you hover over it.
Boulder already found it 'cause she's sneaky that way.
All my links will be on the about page.
I haven't migrated them all over yet. Anyone know how I can import html? I cannot figure it out, too tired I guess.

Tell me what you think......

The photo below

It's advertising for Bell Sympatico(Internet Provider) and I find it very offensive. In case you can't read it, the small print over one of the cut-outs says "ovary".

In how many ways does this offend? 

moving on up....

Typepad + Lala = Lala Land Redux

Coming soon to a monitor near you...I just have to fix a few little things.

Should I try to move all my posts over?

Do I know from Mucous!

Ed. Note - Christopher: Stop reading, you really don't want to know this stuff.

Erin was asking about my cycle so I thought I'd update.
The aftermath of the m/c ended around the 18th of November and AF was quick on it's heels, arriving on Nov. 30th.
AF arrived again Dec. 31 with a ferocity I have rarely seen.
Then she got back to a normal 27 day span, arriving again on Jan. 26th.
Now we wait.
I have not been charting/temping over the past few months due to disrupted sleep and lack of will.
I just don't want to be on the rollercoaster right now but I have this feeling......


And feelings aren't something I have much of anymore.
O! how I used to have feelings.
I used to get so horny, so very, very horny. It took me over for a couple of days at a time.
Not anymore.
I used to know my mucous and Oy! Do I know from mucous.
Not anymore.
My hormones are lost to me and I miss them terribly.
If you find them please send them home.

POAUS

Anybody ever used a used one? Gross, huh? It's too soon, I know but I'm dying to........and in the middle of the night(last night) a used one looked pretty tempting.

I am one sick mother....

This morning's big drama had me popping a tooth out of Jackson's mouth after he brushed his teeth and complained of bleeding. I've been itching to get this tooth out for months because it was mostly filling and had sharp edges.
I once had to pay $75 for a dentist to flick her wrist in his mouth and extract a tooth.
The most expensive 20 seconds of my life.
After that I vowed that, unless he was dying, I would do everything to get them out myself.
It's tough to be tough.
Especially since my kid is a wuss.
So there was grimacing and a fair bit of blood but we managed.
The sick bit is that I enjoy the challenge.
I told him I liked pulling the tooth and he told me I was a sick mother.

For Wandering Coyote

I love this photo found here .

How could I forget?

How could I forget to mention this? It's the latest promtional thingy from the mall where I sell pizza and pay five people's salaries with my rent.
Brought to you by these people.



Check out the prizes!

Why does he do this to himself? 

Day off! It's the new expletive

I thought that a day off from work meant that you didn't have to go to work, think about work or get called by work.
Not for me.
A day off from my work means get a call, go get groceries, deliver them, pick-up and move a freezer and then, when that is all over, rest for an hour and then go in to close.

Yep, I'm ENJOYING my day off.


on a positive note, I just won a game of solitaire.

Pottery Barn Dog

This thought occurred to me as I shook my booty around the dog park this morning.
Is it the Golden Retriever? What do you think?
I can't link to the explanation of "Pottery Barn" because I don't have time.
Vodka is my OSMWACD*(Obligatory Single Mom Wants Another Child Dog) and he eats Goldens for lunch. Aaarrrgh.

Listening to: The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert.


*Credit to Soper for naming the OMD(Obligatory Miscarriage Dog)

Should bloggers meet?

I'm thinking of doing an East Coast drive. Should I make cawfee tawk?

What happens if people don't meet expectations? What if I don't meet expectations?

Has anybody else taken these kind of relationships into real life and been successful?

We're headed to Halifax in March where I hope to meet Sandy, then I was thinking I may come down to Boston.
I'd be willing to drive a little out of the way if someone wanted to treat me to a grande toffee nut frappaccino blended creme.

Edited to add: Yes, I've got to get to T.O.
I promise I'm coming!

No, Seriously

Sure why not? I mean it's not like I'm not trying to lose weight so why not.


I lost five pounds in the past two weeks so I think I'll talk about that.
Fascinating, isn't it?

Thanks Jewelz

For the horror scope and the valentine from the bean. I miss her so much.

I'd like to come down soon but we're living day by day here.

I disagree

I'm taking sides.
Like it or not.
I don't think it's going to matter to a bunch of bloggers who don't know me from a hole in the wall anyway.

I think pregnancy is part of infertility.
I think this blog is a reflection of who I am.
If I get pregnant then lucky me, that's who I am. If I lose that pregnancy - same deal.
If I keep that pregnancy.....hey wow, that would be phenomenal.
WHY WOULD SOMEBODY NOT BE HAPPY FOR ME??

Is a live child not the goal of all infertiles?

Do I have to stop reading the blogs of people I like because they managed to grow and birth a child?
No.
Do I have to tailor my posts so that I can keep bloggers
who would not currently be pregnant happy?
NO.

I don't hear anyone saying that Tertia and Julie no longer belong in this "community" because they have live children. Is anyone passing Grrl by because she, her husband and her surrogate are expecting a boy?
No.

If you're going to call out women who are currently pregnant because they post something that hurts YOUR feelings on THEIR blog then at least have the courtesy to apply that to EVERYONE, no matter how high their profile. How fucking naive do you think we are to not see the double standard there?

I already have a child. Maybe that's why I'm not popular with other infertile bloggers. Maybe I should never have started reading those blogs because I don't qualify for membership in the club.
It's too late. I'm in on the fringes and I've made some friends and I'm pissed off that they are hurt right now.

I can tell you there are a few blogs I will not be reading anymore but I don't think those people will even care.

Are you depressed?

I stole this link from Soper at Uterine Wars. I'm sorry I stole.

Goldberg Depression Questionnaire


I scored a 39. What should I do?

Why we parent - Warning child related content ahead

Tonight Jackson got a "migraine".
It's in quotes because it's never been diagnosed as such.
It's moments like these, when my child really needs to be soothed, that I feel most like a mother.
Tonight he acted like a baby and when I closed my eyes I could almost pretend he was a toddler again.
Tonight he cried in pain; I fixed it and he was happy again.
Very few things in life are as rewarding.

I gave him advil. I put a cool washcloth on his forehead.
I gave him antacid in water to make the need to barf go away.
I gave him a bath to relax him and wash his hair.
I held the blowdryer and combed his curls.
He smiled and kissed me on the lips.
He went to sleep in his own bed.

Through the course of this he had asked if he could sleep with me, I said yes.
He asked what I was thinking as I stared off into space while he bathed, I said "a baby".
He smiled and said "You want another one, don't you?", I said yes.

Frozen Pizza Dough

Sucks Ass!!
You can buy better pizza in the freezer section at Loblaws. I think this, coupled with the January sales figures, spells the end of my business. And that means my house will have to go too. Boy, oh boy, jumping off a bridge is looking mighty good right now.

Update redux

Two single door fridges coming tomorrow a.m.
$1700 worth of frozen and dry goods still coming today 2 p.m.
Walk in fridge not working this a.m., people coming to fix this within the hour

Mikko: when you said a sawzall would fix it I thought you were talking about my UTI(urinary tract infection) ouch.

Another update - Colposcopy at Civic Hosp. yesterday no big C in sight. Good. Revisit this issue in six months.

Today the perfume I'm using to cover the stench of cooked pizza in my clothes is.......
wait for it...............
..................................Salvador Dali.
Sweet.





Big C=Cancer

Dream

I had a dream this a.m. that I was in a bar on a boat with many sets of stairs. Mick Jagger and Keith Richards were in this bar on this boat watching a band. After the band had finished it's set my mother, who was sitting beside me, asked Sir Mick if he would lick a shot off her back. He agreed. I was freaked out because you don't do shots off someone's back.
There were many sets of stairs to climb. Paul was there and I remember being half naked through the stair climbing part. That's all.

Tag lines

Watch for changing tag lines. While I could never get bored with Monty Python, I am looking for a little more fun.

Recent tag lines:
You're so vain, you probably think this blog is about you, don't you?

You can't expect to weild supreme executive power just 'cause some watery tart threw a sword at you.

Update

The two door freezer did not fit through our door this a.m. and was sent back to vendor.
Am operating with 4 cubic foot freezer and $1700 worth of food, mostly frozen, is coming tomorrow afternoon.

Personal note: Went to clinic here in the mall where the incredibly brilliant doc. gave me a THREE MONTH scrip for a UTI. Two months and 27 days longer than it needs to be.
Retard.
She also insisted that I COULD get pregnant in the next three days, that I actually have NO IDEA when I ovulate because the Catholic Church did a study and temperature means nothing. Yada yada yada.
So I asked her If she'd ever read TCOYF and she said no, she didn't read stuff like that.
Good, I think I should get MORE advice from this dumbf*ck.

February

We're working hard on some changes here in "hell". That's my new name for my business. Positive, eh?
Moving to frozen dough has necessitated a new freezer and other menu changes mean a new steam table. I think the total cost will be well over $4000 just so we can bow to the whim of Head Office. A head office that has not yet seen fit to send a representative to my store since they took over in June. Thanks guys! 90% of new business fail in the first year. Can't be from lack of franchisor support.

Today's motto: If you don't like my pizza.....Suckit!!

I went against type today and had jam on my toast.

Breakfast is always better when cooked by others, even if it's A&W.

In case you don't understand what the "clue" stuff is all about, go here and tell her Lala sent you.

The main characters 

Welcome Scavengers

Ignore this drivel, it seems I got my own clue wrong. Sorry for the confusion.


Bold stroke, O Beautiful one.
I have but one life to live and I intend on living it with passion.
So you bring to me the young, the restless and I will give them the days of my life.


Yeah, it's a little schlocky but look what at I had to work with.

Still here, still angry

Thanks for the support Ladies!
Answers to your questions:

Yes, it's a franchise, only available in Canada though.
Suz: I'm in Ottawa, not NYC. I wish I was sometimes. Thank you for thinking I'm wonderful!
Laura: I try to think like that but once burned, twice shy. If I have to declare bankruptcy I'll never get anywhere with the banks and won't be able to build any equity because I'll lose my house.
Scully: yep, Mom and I are partners.

I have to work all weekend so I'll be reading but not writing.
Thanks again and again and again.

You would be too

Why do you think I'm depressed?
Don't you think that squandering all my mother's retirement money on a business venture that sucks ass is enough of a reason?
Spending every day wracked with guilt because both of you stand to lose everything when this fails.
Watching her sink more money into it because the new head office devised a new menu that requires approx. $3000 be spent on steam tables and freezers.

You wonder why I can't stand to work there anymore?
I'm just watching it all get worse and it makes me physically ill.
I don't sleep at night, I feel like throwing up and I cry when I think about it.

Is that enough of an explanation?

So the "pimple as indicator" system is fully functional. Aunt Flo jumped through the hoop last night. This is a good thing, though, because it means I'm back on a 28 day cycle and that feels more normal to me. I just wish they labeled tampons differently so that people like me would have a better idea of which ones to buy. I don't understand "extra super".
I need a visual indication of how thick the thing is.
I think it should be called the Hoover Dam.
Maybe for those middle days they could be labeled the Rideau River Waterway(the one with all the locks) or the Mississippi(floods it's banks once in a while). Then for the light days they could be called "that crick by yur old house".
Any other suggestions?

If Monty Python had a Uterus..

it would sound something like this
Blogland has come out in force to redo Python's best skits. It's worth reading through the 50 or so comments.
Even a couple left by yours truly.
Some funny, funny stuff

I got nuthin'

I walked all the dogs today, I made dinner, oh yeah, dinner.....

Rhonda: If you're reading this - thanks very much for the rice steamer.
I'm sorry it took me 11 months to open it but I've used it three times this past week and I really like it. Also the cleaning lady is very happy to no longer have to look at it's shrink wrapped ass and try to find places to store it. It goes like this: floor under dining room table to on top of dining room table to spot beside the fridge(where it stayed for a long time). Now it's going to go from dishrack to counter and back again because I plan on using it almost every day.

Married eleven months and counting......

I have pre-period acne on my face so I don't think anything took this month. Darling says if nothing is growing by June then we move to invasive procedures. Boo. I cannot believe this will be my third cycle since the miscarriage. I somehow thought I'd opened the floodgates and I'd be pregnant again by now. Bummer.

Do you know what's going on with "Pit bulls" up here? They're trying to ban them. Well, Rebecca has a doggie named Nigel who falls under the "title" pit bull(because there is no such breed) and I've watched her struggle with the public's preconceived ideas about her dog. I know how sweet he is and I've developed a new respect for people who have these types of dogs. It takes a lot to parent an outcast.
Anyway, I was at the pit today and I was standing next to my truck when the door of the car next to mine opened up and a guy got out. I wasn't paying attention to the guy because the dog looked a lot like Nigel.
So I said, in my best Joey Tribiani fashion, "Helllloooo"
The guy looks up "Hello?"
I turned bright red "uh, I was uh, talking to the dog"

Retail therapy

Today's retail therapy consisted of a skirt from Sears at $9.98 and, My mother is just going to SHIT, the new boxed set of Escada Mini perfumes. Again from Sears.
I should not be allowed near this mall.
I almost bought a blouse to go with the skirt but cannot decide on the green or the pink stripe. There's always tomorrow.


Note to bloggers: try Cat's pee on a Gooseberry bush, it's from NZ, very sweet white, probably a 1. Nice refreshing flavour

Kemo - no go

Well, she rolled Vodka over and made him her bitch in no time flat and she won't be coming to live HERE!
She was a big girl, not really well taken care of by her previous owners and she and V did not get along so the search goes on.
S'ok by me, I'll know when I find one it'll be the right one.


Sandy? Are you sending the snow my way?

Couldn't sleep at all

Still at home, really I should get a job. Hardee har har.
If I could only GET.... OFF....THE ....INTERNET
long enough to let the phone ring.

I am suffering from sleep deprivation. Last night I tried sleeping in another room but I woke up many times, just like normal.
Should I try sleeping pills? Any other tips?
I have short term memory loss and a short temper and no energy due to not sleeping well, ever. How can I fix this? I don't know how much more I can take.

Whaddya think about..

Kemo
She's older and needs me? She'd do well with Vodka?

Go to Dogs for adoption, the view profiles at the bottom of the page.

Goodbye Mr. Carson

You always made me laugh.
Especially when you did the mind reader bit.
You will be missed.

In case you wanted funny ha ha

Seeing as there may be people visiting I thought I'd clean up a bit. Maybe tell a funny story to liven up the joint.

When my son was three years old we lived with a roomie named Roy. We had an old school answering machine that actually used a tape to record messages. That's really all the background you need right there.

One morning, say 8:30 ish, I'm taking a shower with the door closed. Jackson is wandering around the apartment doing whatever it is that three year olds with free time do. The phone rings. Jackson picks it up but not before the answering machine starts up.
The conversation goes like this:
J: "Hewo"
Man: "Hello, is Roy there?
J: "Roy at werk"
Man: "Ok, thank you very much"
Man hangs up
J: "Mummy in de baff"
Silence
J again, a little louder:" Mummy in de Baff!"
More silence
J very loudly and with much anger due to the fact that he thinks he's being ignored:" MUMMY IN DE BAFF!!!"
Me, come screaming down the hallway: "WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO??????"

yep, all caught on tape!

Maybe you had to be there.........

What do you want/Why am I so unpopular?

Beware: It's all about me.

I feel unpopular.
Don't get me wrong, I really appreciate the 20 or so folks who come here everyday and the eight people who actually have me on their Blogroll are my best friends.
My stats say I have 40 some visitors but I'm pretty sure half of them are me.
I just wonder when I cannot get someone to reply to an email or I notice that of all the people I read regulary only a couple ever return the favour.
What is it that I need to do? I feel like the wallflower that no one notices.
Am I not pretty, funny, smart enough for you?
Do you want more pain and angst? I can do that!

Ok, now I'm just whining.
Sorry about that, talk amongst yourselves.

-40 here in Lala Land

So it's damn cold and I've learned that it's very hard to heat a shopping centre in this kind of weather. The management here at Curlinghood(not it's real name but close) has apparently stopped trying. Seniors are grouping together in the food court to conserve body heat. I can't imagine how that smells.
I'm currently serving customers wearing my winter jacket and flip-top gloves. It doesn't look good because I keep leaving dog hair all over people's pizza.
I have been seen with my entire arms inside the pizza oven, if it didn't melt my clothes and burn my skin I'd crawl right in there.
Actually.......I think I'll do it anyway.

Insert title

Ok, let's get whatsis face off the front page and move on to more interesting fare.
I have watched more movies in the past week than I have in all of 2004.
I highly recommend Mambo Italiano*****. It's Canadian and it's hilarious.
Also this week:
Friday night lights ***
Garden State ***
Raising Helen **(gratuitous pregnant woman)
Searching for Debra Winger**

I'm outta money so I'm going in to work for a few days. Hopefully I'll get a job on Monday and I can get over this blogging addiction. Heh.

Interesting topics I'm thinking about:
Is Polygamy the next step after gay marriage? I don't think so but some people do. I think they're weird but they exist because I heard them on the CBC. The guy used the analogy that the "institution" is like a chair with four legs.
I'll get into that tomorrow, right now I'm going to get "qwertys" as I fall asleep on my keyboard


How can the institution of marriage be so strong if 50% of marriages end in divorce?
Just wonderin'.

oh yeah, Mary Walsh: If you're reading this, I love you!

Thanks Steve

I just wanted to say thanks for sticking your nose into my marriage after you found my website. Yes, I said on Dec. 17th that I had made an enormous mistake and I lie in bed and worry about it.
It was very pro-active of you to try and interpret what I meant by mistake and tell my husband what I was thinking because I'm obviously incapable of that myself. I don't know what I'd do if we didn't have aquaintances we barely know from my husband's work like YOU. You know what I regret most aout getting married? Inviting you to the ceremony.

Maybe the ramblings of a mid thirties, single mother struggling with a marriage to a strong, smart, handsome and confident man are a little too much for you to understand.
Did you read the whole blog?
Did you commiserate with my husband on the miscarriage? What a good friend you are.
Did you read all the way to the beginning where I detailed how, before we got married, my husband had read my journal? Do you know what that did to my ability to express myself through my writing? No, Probably not.
So, yeah, don't stop by anymore. You're NOT welcome here.

Those cookies I baked.....

Damn those cookies.
Anyway, today's tip is how to re-moisten the cookies after they've been sitting on a plate on the counter for a few hours, waiting for the men of the household to devour them.
I put the cookies in a sealable bowl and added a moistened paper towel. I think that was yesterday in the a.m. and this morning I had a cookie and it was somewhat moist. I'm so pleased with my self and yet angry because I had a cookie for breakfast.

Still at home, more posts to come later.

One more for the ladies, Montreal Summer 2002 

This one is for Christine, hope you don't mind lady. 

This is the goal folks, summer 2002. 

It starts here, NOW

Ok, there was a me that existed a couple of years ago and she weighed less and looked better in her clothes. She left her clothes in my closet and hasn't been back since.

I'm dropping the glove here and now.

Bring it on chicky poo!

Jackson and I, Summer 2002 

Still here

I'm at home eating cookies today.
Lemme know if you want to get together for a grande toffee nut frappucino.

oh yeah, today's movie is "Searching for Debra Winger".
Edgy, eh?

More from the home front

It's a regular multi-media extravaganza here in the Wawa Cha Cha household.

Listening: The Dixie Chicks
Baking: Mrs. Fields home made Pecan Supremes(scratch)
Watching : Raising Helen
Wondering: Did G-D know how good raw cookie dough was gonna be or was it a by- product?
Using: My cell phone alarm to time the cookies

Don't be jealous ladies, I'll likely have a job tomorrow and then I'll never get to do this again.

It was funny when the guy at Bl*ckbuster just didn't get it when I told him it was boring at home. I guess seeing me three times this week already has him worried.

For the ladies. It's the only ass shot I could find. Not my husband though. 

If you feel compelled to leave a comment, do it here.

DeLovely

So I watched the Cole Porter biopic this morning. Yes, I am very behind in my movie watching but I'm spending these few days off trying to catch up with that. It was good, interesting, long. The neatest part was seeing Alanis sing and dance to a dance tune "Lets fall in love". I emailed her afterward but I doubt she'll get back to me.*L*

In other news I'm playing a waiting game.
What am I waiting for?
I’m waiting for a baby, a job, a phone call, an email, a business plan, anything to get me out of this rut.
O woe is me, eh?

FYI

My husband has a great ass.
He wants everyone to know that I think that.
He says I don't post enough good things about him here.
I'd like to post a photo of us but he hasn't given me permission yet.

I don't like you

There, I said it. I have trouble thinking that, let alone saying it. Much like others have trouble saying no, I have trouble disliking people.
I found a blogger I dislike today and I find that strange. It's easy enough to find blogs you dislike but this was different. After reading this person's entire blog(only a few months worth) I found I did not like them. I found them through the blog of a blog; I would say friend of a friend but really it wasn't like that at all.
I like to go blogs that are three and four removed from the blog I started out with. Does that makes sense? I just keep on linking to blogs that I think have interesting names and keep going and going.
Enough about how I got there, I like to think that just by virtue of blogging I would like a person but that is not always the case.

What I did not like:
-gratuitous references to the sexuality of a bunch of friends (I don't care if their gay, bi or non-sexual, do you have to refer to them as cute lesbian friends? Is this supposed to make us think you're cool?)
-this blogger admitted to not being able to stand needles, doctors or anything of that nature so they decide not to go with natural childbirth but to adopt.
-they ended up with a mixed race baby just like the one I should have in my arms

So maybe I'm jealous that this person never had to give birth, struggle with miscarriage, have her boobs droop to her navel and she ended up with a baby just like the one I don't have.


Ok, it also bugged me that she was so white bread, middle American but seemed to think she was edgy because she had short, spiky, dyed hair and was friends with Lesbians.
No offense intended to other white bread, middle Americans who do not take themselves THAT seriously.

Ok, and another thing.....we went to Price Club to get dog food the other day and there were lots of little mocha babies around and it depressed me.

I guess I'm wearing it all right on my sleeve today.

In addition...

we watched Harold and Kumar etc. last night and laughed our heads off at the bullshit(yes, I said it again) racial subplots with the cops. I guess, because we're a mixed couple, stuff like that makes us laugh more than it offends us because people take it very seriously around here and no one ever jokes about it. So stuff like the "twinkie joke" (yellow on the outside, white on the inside) makes us laugh a lot.

So all in all some very funny scenes in that movie but I wouldn't let my 12 year old watch it.

Poor Doogie Howser M.D.


Don't worry about me not being pregnant, it's the normal state of being. I just figured since I started out as an "Infertility Blog" I had to stay true to my roots.

Movies

So first I watched The Princess Diaries 2, How sweet *GAG*
then I tried to watch Harold and Kumar go to White Castle but I was thrown off by how juvenile it was. So I turned it off and left it. This morning I watched The Terminal. That was a good time. Suffice it to say I'm very behind in my movie watching.
In another life I was a flight attendant and later worked at Transport Canada in the Cabin Safety Standards Directorate so I have a lazy passion for Airplanes, travelling and anything related. I enjoyed watching the Terminal because I recognized an Airport I spent a lot of time in, Mirabel. I might not have recognized it but Christopher pointed it out to me and it was fun to play the "I recognize that!" game.

So enough inane bullshit; I'm still not pregnant. Good night.

La vache

Today's agenda

Eating: chocolate chip bagel toasted with butter
Drinking: whatever I can find, really scraping here
Watching: either The Terminal, Harold and Kumar go to White Castle and/or Princess Diaries 2
Looking: for a job
Wearing: caught ya! you wanted to know, didn't you?


Again for Scully(see comments on post "What Scully needs"):
Quebec, two hours north of Ottawa
I could buy it if I had some money
I'm looking for investors who want to use the facilities for vacationing, I'd be open to people who just have money to invest as well

Josh and Donna

we could always email you know.....
Anyway,
Donna got hired by Will Bailey to work on the Vice President's election campaign. He offered her a job where she wouldn't have to be someone's assistant and she took it. I think things have been weird for her since she came back from tour in the Middle East.
I liked it but I didn't like it. Something has been off since Aaron Sorkin left the show.
I thought Josh was going to quit the campaign at one point.
I guess I'll take it week by week but I really think they're setting Santos up to be the next Prez and if that happens then what about Will and Donna? Pure speculation but I always wanted Josh and Donna to go further.

please mum, may I have a treat? If you don't I'll rip your lips off! 

Oh how I love my Vodka no legs 

What Scully needs

Allright already.
Where do you go in your head when you need to relax?
When I'm lying in bed, trying to sleep, I go to the lake and get out my old, green, cedar canoe and I put my little tape recorder down and push off from the beach.
So many times I have done this that I have lost count.

I grew up in the bush; moved to the city at the age of six to be with my mother full time. Went back every summer until I was 20.
I want to go back for good.

The place where I grew up is for sale. It's been a year since my grandfather died and his wife has kids of her own in Hawaii and probably doesn't want to live there alone.
I do.
Since I could think, since I could DREAM, I wanted to live there.
Raise my kids there. (hah, g-d laughed twice on that one)

So what do I do?
My current business is not successful in any meaningful way.
I have no clout at the bank.
I'm stumped.
Actually, that's not true. I have one idea and it's scary.
So that's where I sit right now, scared as hell but very excited.
Kind of like Jimmy Smits' Matt Santos
He's looking for voters, I'm looking for investors.
That's where I'll leave it for now.................

A little bit about me

I just wanted to explain a little bit about my "web persona".
I'm not an "I'm sorry" kind of person.
If I leave comments on people's blogs that might not seem sympathetic or even related it's because I'm trying to make people laugh. I find this whole infertility thing a little heavy at times. Everything from ignoring my own feelings to commenting on other people's difficulties carries a lot of sadness so I just try to make y'all grin while we bear it.
So if it seems like I don't get the gravity of the situation, don't worry. I do.

Right now Jimmy Buffet is singing on Ellen and all is right with the world.

I need a new drug

So, about Strattera.....they sell it for adults too. Oh lucky me.

For the past 30 years I've been describing myself as having 6 tv screens in my head. When having conversations I often jump around and go off on tangents. I used to try to explain it using the tv analogy and most people could understand that. Today I'm at home watching "Today" and a commercial for Strattera comes on. Of course I'm intrested because I want to try it on my son instead of the Ritalin.
How does Strattera/Lilly describe Adult ADD?
Like have different tv screens in your brain and losing the remote.

They stole my line!

When I was a kid tvs didn't have remotes so that was never part of my equation but I envisioned a hidden control centre like the one where they do the news at the tv station.

Anyway, Strattera - sounds like it has a lot of the same symptoms as Ritalin and that's a bummer. I was hoping for fewer side effects. More growing, more eating, less zombie like behavior. I may try it myself to see.

How i do it

Yes, I should be in bed but.........................anyway......................

I keep my bookmarked websites in a folder that is labeled either
Good blogs(my favourites)
Better blogs(the title would suggest better than good but strangely, it's the other way around)
Blogs(self explanatory)

and "Fert". This is the one where all my Infertile Sisters of computer love reside.

As I was surfing through these Sisters' sites I noticed a phenomenon. Some of them are actually getting pregnant and *gasp* holding on to it.
Wow!
So new folder had to be created and do you know what I named it? "Preggers".
Brilliant, eh?

The thing that really gets me, in a good way, is that there are TEN sites in that new folder.
Of the 50 or so I read 10 are pregnant. And there would be three more if Tertia, Julie, Jennifer and Monica hadn't recently given birth.

Them's some good odds, Cletus. (not)

A little help over here

Are you all busy checking in on Tertia or is Sunday a slow day in Blogland?

I have a few things that I'd like to ask:

Has anyone got any experience with the drug Strattera(s)?
It's soon to be available in Canada as a non-stimulant scrip for ADD.

Anyone have any experience with Online University courses?

Anyone else like chocolate pudding? Just checking.

T minus six months

In sixth months, minus a day, I will be 35. If I’m not pregnant by then, my fertility, or lack thereof, will turn into a barrel going over Niagara Falls.
There is very little chance of survival.
Add to that the fact that I need to lose 20 pounds or more to get back to where I was two years ago, just for vanity’s sake mind you, and It’s shaping up to be a very important six months.

“Can she lose the weight?” you ask, “Is she really that vain?” you demand.

Yes and no, no and yes. There is no definitive answer. I used to be vain, now my clothes just don’t fit and it seems more practical to lose weight than to buy lots of new ones. I’ve lost the weight before but I’m a sucker for a can of Dr. Pepper and the environment I work in right now is not helping me with my unquenchable thirst for the maroon can. How was that for a run on sentence? They’re a passion of mine.

Sooooo anyway……..If I could exercise and cut out the pop I could lose it. I could maybe do it in time for the big day but I’ve already let two days go by without getting a start on it. Slap me.

Am I vain? Kinda. I always want to present my best, most confident self and that involves looking better in my clothes than I do now. I hate the pouch of fat that slides around on my belly and looks really bad when I’m lying on my side and it falls down to the bed. I want to be fitter and look better naked too.

Stay tuned: the soap opera that is my life will continue after this short break.

OMG OMG OMG

Adam and Kate have arrived and I jumped out of my chair with excitement as
I read the updates. I am so excited and so happy for Tertia.
Sending much love across the ocean.

Check out Boulder's blog if you'd like to send a gift along.

Working 9 to 5 ain't no way to make a livin'

Sing it Dolly!!

I, myself, hope to be working by Monday in a regular 9 to 5 job. This will give me oodles of time to read blogs.
I simply cannot manage working at the restaurant anymore because we are in dire danger of losing our house. On a positive note I have another business plan in the works to buy some property 2 hours north of here and if it all goes ahead I may be able to live my life the way I dreamed when I was a child.
If this goes ahead I plan on having a Blogger's retreat where I will invite all of the fabulous women I have encountered up for a vacation.
Julia and Wavery can cook for us all!

What were your childhood dreams?

I walked the theoretical dog

Title courtesy of Beaver Girl.

Julie came into town for New Year's with her five children. I borrowed one for 24 hours so I could have a try. It's been 12 years since I gave birth and eight years since I had a small child underfoot.

I had forgotten what it was like.

She was a little princess in the best sense of the word. I love that little girl so much my heart hurt to take her back to her parents.
She was so funny.......here are some of the things she said:

After her bath she said " I want to go talk to the black guy " my husband

Upon being seated in the back seat of my car " What is all this junk? " yes, my car IS cluttered

When I told her we were going to my Aunt's for dinner " Why? Don't you have any food? "

I told her we were going for a Turkey dinner and she called it "Tawkey", how cute is a four year old with a Boston accent?

I was sad to see her go......................

New Year's Resolutions by Red Green

I read these in the Toronto Star:

1. I will not eat anything I don't recognize
2. I will strive to maintain my current fitness level
3. I will allow myself to be examined by a doctor, even if he has cold hands
4. I will be quieter, in deference to the people who are intimidated by my unlimited knowledge
5. I will forgive all of my friends and loved ones and appreciate that I am still way ahead on those exchanges

Things we can all achieve.

Happy New Year

May the New Year bring you health, acts of kindness, love, prosperity and a baby.
Yes, I'm wishing you all a baby.


Wish me one too.